PROFILPELAJAR.COM

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 02:32, 22 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]__DTELLIPSISBUTTON__{"threadItem":{"timestamp":"2016-06-22T02:32:00.000Z","author":"Carbrera","type":"comment","level":1,"id":"c-Carbrera-2016-06-22T02:32:00.000Z-GA_Review","replies":[]}}-->

Infobox

It's all good, but for sake of stylistic purposes, I would allow some adequate spacing before and after the "equal" signs in the infobox
- Done

Lead

The lead is a bit too small for an article of this length; with the information out there available, I would add a bit more detail here
- Done lede expanded a bit
You could perhaps expand on this statement (for an example): "The GCC dissolved in 2001 after membership declines in the face of public criticism." ... Why did the "GCC" received public criticism?? Just a thought
- Done

Founding

Paragraph 1

"The GCC was formed to represent..." --> "The GCC was also formed to represent..."
"mitigate global warming.[5][6] and to challenge..." --> "mitigate global warming,[5][6] and to challenge..."
- Done
"The government affairs offices of several corporations..." --> "The government affairs' offices of several corporations..."
- Done
"The government affairs offices of several corporations..." --> Which corporations?
- Done clarified "five or six" as per source

Paragraph 2

There are two back–to–back "According to" statements here; please reword one of them (either or, I have no preference in this situation.)
- Done

Paragraph 3

You use "GCC" quite often, and could substitute the word for things such as "the organization", "the group", "the advocacy group", etc.
- Done GCC referred to itself as "the coalition" on its website
"GCC reorganized independently in 1992.[2] GCC’s first chairman of the board of directors was the director of government relations for the Phillips Petroleum Company.[14]" --> "GCC reorganized independently in 1992,[2] with the first chairman of the board of directors being the director of government relations for the Phillips Petroleum Company.[14]"
- Done

Advocacy activities

Paragraph 1

"lobbyists..." --> Shouldn't it be "lobbyist groups"?
- Done
Rest is great

Paragraph 2

Again, you use "GCC" quite often; please do a few substitutions here and there
- Done

Paragraph 4

Please insert "US" in between "In 1990, after" and "President George H. W. Bush..."
- Done

When did the GCC distribute a half–hour video entitled The Greening of Planet Earth? Include the year here please (and approximate month and date if applicable of course.)
- Done

Paragraph 8

I don't know how useful this information is within the entire scope of the article; yes, the reference is a really good one, but the facts from the given article are a bit trivial and unfortunately do not really contribute to the article as a whole (I'm recommending you remove this paragraph altogether.)

Predicting Future Climate Change: A Primer

"The draft document was disclosed as part of a 2007 lawsuit.[54][55]" --> Could you expand on this? What lawsuit? What happened in the lawsuit? Who(m) or what parties were involved in the lawsuit? Etc.
- added additional detail of lawsuit from reliable source The New York Times

IPCC Second Assessment Report

Again, you use "GCC" quite often; please do a few substitutions here and there
- Done
"In 1996, prior to the publication of the Second Assessment Report, GCC distributed a report entitled The IPCC: Institutionalized Scientific Cleansing to reporters, US Congressmen, and scientists, which said that Benjamin D. Santer, the lead author of Chapter 8 in the assessment, entitled "Detection of Climate Change and Attribution of Causes," had altered the text, after acceptance by the Working Group, and without approval of the authors, to strike content characterizing the uncertainty of the science." --> This sentence is way too long; I'm not saying it needs to be condensed, because all of the information within this statement is really good and factual, but what I'm saying is you need to break it up into several sentences (at the very least, more than one sentence)
- Done

Opposition to Kyoto Protocol

Please do a few substitutions here and there
- Done
"50¢ more..." --> "50 cents more..." (Just because I noticed on my iPad it wasn't appearing properly.)
- Done
"GCC opposed signing of the Kyoto Protocol by Clinton.[70]" --> "GCC opposed the signing of the Kyoto Protocol by Clinton.[70]"
- Done

Membership decline and dissolution

Please do a few substitutions here and there, again
- Done
"In 1999, Ford Motor Company was the first US company to withdraw, "the latest sign of divisions within heavy industry over how to respond to global warming," according to the New York Times.[85]" --> I don't think this reads properly; whatever is leading up to the quote needs to be reworded so that the reader knows what the quote is pointing at
- clarified

Reception

Please remove the link to the article for the Los Angeles Times, as you previously linked this article in the section titled "IPCC Second Assessment Report"
- earlier wikilink not found
You could probably put all three of these paragraphs into one
- Done

Members

So that the article doesn't look much larger than it actually is, I would put a double colspan on this so it looks a bit reduced, but you're not actually removing any information from the article (and maintaining character count.)
- Done

End of GA Review:

A very good article with some minor issues. I will be placing this article "ON HOLD" for seven days to allow for these changes. Please @PING me with any further questions, comments, or concerns and I will try to respond as soon as possible. Thanks and good luck! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 03:18, 22 June 2016 (UTC).[reply]__DTELLIPSISBUTTON__{"threadItem":{"timestamp":"2016-06-22T03:18:00.000Z","author":"Carbrera","type":"comment","level":1,"id":"c-Carbrera-2016-06-22T03:18:00.000Z-End_of_GA_Review:","replies":["c-Carbrera-2016-06-26T04:23:00.000Z-Carbrera-2016-06-22T03:18:00.000Z"]}}-->

@HughD: Please @PING me once you are done. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 04:23, 26 June 2016 (UTC).[reply]__DTELLIPSISBUTTON__{"threadItem":{"timestamp":"2016-06-26T04:23:00.000Z","author":"Carbrera","type":"comment","level":2,"id":"c-Carbrera-2016-06-26T04:23:00.000Z-Carbrera-2016-06-22T03:18:00.000Z","replies":["c-HughD-2016-06-27T16:01:00.000Z-Carbrera-2016-06-26T04:23:00.000Z"]}}-->

@Carbrera: Thank you very much for your thorough and careful read! Hugh (talk) 16:01, 27 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]__DTELLIPSISBUTTON__{"threadItem":{"timestamp":"2016-06-27T16:01:00.000Z","author":"HughD","type":"comment","level":3,"id":"c-HughD-2016-06-27T16:01:00.000Z-Carbrera-2016-06-26T04:23:00.000Z","replies":[],"displayName":"Hugh"}}-->