Professor Genious was born Febuary 29, 1889 in on an abandoned island in the middle of the pacific. His parents died trying to kill and eat a giant squid that attacked the island. On the island, Prof. made friends with the animals and drank coconut water to survive until he was 7 years old. He swam to a shipwreck and fought a shark over a piece of rope. He then went back to his island and climbed a giant mountain at the center of the island. There, he challenged the last of the dragons, Qual' lithal, to a race. He tied a rope too the dragon before it took of used the momentum of the flight to swing himself across the finish line before the dragon. Impressed, the dragon flew him too florida. There, he enlisted in the army just in time for WWI. During the war, he captured 15 different trenches and shot William II himself. He won the medal of honor, the purple heart, and the most honorable medal in the US, the purple medal of honorable hearts. He proceeded to stuff his shirt with pillows and changed his name to Howard Taft.He was elected into the presidency where he prevented a cannibalistic cult in South Africa, 12 socialist revolts in Canada, and an alien invasion, but did not release this information because of his modesty and because he wasn't egotistical like Obama.(But seriously Obama didn't even go see the PM of Israel when he came on a like 24 hour plane ride to the US, because he DISAGREED with him; that was LITERALLY the only reason, and people wonder why the world hates us) Well anyway, he then went and did someother stuff that i dont feel like metioning right now, but i can assure u it was @ucking awesome. Ducking awesome not the f bomb, sheesh people these days misinterpret everything, probably because of Obama. Now to get this article noticed i have to say something against a minority so, i hate gay black jews. No jk, but this probably already started a riot in Baltimore.