In a desperate grab for attention, Lily makes out with the nerdish next-door neighbor, Brad O'Keefe, in his car; when Sean catches them, he responds in a rather unorthodox way--by throwing fried chicken at the windshield. Meanwhile, Walt babysits Jimmy and Henry and teaches them how to dig a hole; and Eddie tries to hook up the illegal cable so he and Sean can watch softcore porn.
Jimmy's science project, a scale model of the solar system, is due and he is eager to get back from the street fair, but Sean and Claudia drag him along to see The Ramones. Sean writes a note to Jimmy's principal, Sister Helen; during his resulting suspension, Sean and Eddie take him to the Statue of Liberty, which ends in disaster.
Lily's skirt length and Jimmy's claim of demonic possession spark a battle between Sean and Sister Helen. Sean brings home an old friend (and Claudia's former boyfriend) who has become a priest.
Lily's trip to an amusement park with a group of her friends backfires when she calls Sean to pick her up. He does not like what he sees, and when he realizes that he was called because everyone thought he would go easy on them, he proceeds to get them all in trouble by telling their parents.
Lily freaks out when Sean says they cannot afford to send her on a ski trip with her classmates. Then she learns that Sean has inherited some money--and spent it on a guitar for himself.
Claudia hopes she and Lily will bond during a trip to New Jersey, but when she tells popular cheerleaders from Lily's school that her daughter is still a virgin, Lily takes off, stranding Claudia at the hotel with no daughter, no luggage, and no clothes.
Sean catches a fly ball that is still in play and loses a game for the Yankees. Eddie and the boys are chased home by angry fans, and Claudia is no happier with them because she has been hosting a bachelorette party.
To save for a dream vacation to Mexico, Sean and Claudia start working extra shifts at work. This leads to chaos at home, with Eddie raising the kids, Lily getting her tongue pierced, Jimmy becoming a bully, and Henry panhandling and eating out of the garbage.
Sean volunteers to referee Henry's soccer team and ends up making an unethical decision in the team's favor, resulting in Henry's ego getting inflated. The next week Sean tries to correct things by making an unethical decision in the opposing team's favor. Meanwhile, Lily flirts with the cute guy at the concession stand, and the conversation leaves her walking on air...until she starts to obsess over it, endlessly replaying the scene in her head, each time thinking that she made a bigger fool of herself.
Sister Helen, the school principal, removes Lily's dance routine from the school talent show, and Sean agrees to sell 30 boxes of chocolate if Sister lets Lily and friends perform their dance; unfortunately, said dance is the sexually-suggestive song "Big Spender" from the Broadway play Sweet Charity.
While the whole family is attending a wedding, Lily is upset to learn that she was born before her parents were married, so they tell her the story of how she was born. First appearance of Elizabeth Berridge as Eddie's on again/off again girlfriend "Crazy Amy".
When the family car disappears one night, Sean is mourning over the loss while Claudia hopes to gain from an inflated insurance claim. But when the car's battered remains are towed to the house a few days later, it turns out that Lily has been covering her tracks about an ill-fated joyride--and the reason her parents have to buy the missing parts from Eddie's mechanic.
Claudia's erotic dream about Eddie has Sean trying to reignite their marriage passion. Meanwhile, Henry makes "candy apples" out of anything he can find; and Jimmy serves "turned" apple cider to Lily and her friend Allison (Autumn Reeser).
Claudia is shocked to discover porn on Jimmy's computer and insists that she and Sean confront him, but Sean wants to ignore it. Meanwhile, Lily and Jimmy doctor a picture of Sister Helen and use it as an e-mail joke. Then Sister Helen receives the e-mail.
Sean and Eddie revive their high-school band to play a wedding reception, but Sean gets nervous when Lily seems interested in their hot new drummer. Jimmy convinces Henry that he cannot find baby pictures of himself because Henry's a robot.
During a stressful day at work, Claudia takes a puff of a co-worker's cigarette, which quickly turns into an entire cigarette and then a daily habit. Lily catches and busts her, then agrees to keep her secret--for a price. After making a date with Dean on her new cellphone, Lily is humiliated to learn what Dean heard her say when the phone did not turn off.
Playing Santa Claus, Walt promises Henry a $350 AstroJammer Battle Buggy for Christmas; a ticked-off Sean brings violence to Santaland. Meanwhile, Lily tries to figure out whether the blurry gift tag on her boxer shorts reads "from Brad" or "from Dean."
After Henry catches Sean and Claudia having sex, Sean is determined to handle the inevitable topic of the birds and the bees with Henry in a better way than Walt did. After having a father/son talk with Henry about sex, Sean feels good about handling things. Then he and Claudia discover that Henry told his entire class about what he caught Sean and Claudia doing.
The Finnerty's plan to push Walt back into the social scene backfires when he is social with a lady they do not like. Meanwhile, Lily fears that her bad behavior has thrust Brad into Kristina's arms.
A favor for Claudia's well-connected Uncle Sal (Vincent Pastore) goes awry, leading Sean to fear that the guy may be a goodfella. Meanwhile, a plumbing problem forces Lily to shower at Brad's.
Sean creates a "first place" robot for Jimmy's science fair, then stands up at the fair and admits that he made his son's robot. Then he requests that the other parents do the same (as it is obvious that the parents made the other robots). In the end, Jimmy and his robot battle classmate Benji and his robot.
Sean's swing at tree surgery causes a blackout during the Super Bowl, but his biggest concern was that while chopping the tree, he saw, through Lily's window, Lily holding a bag of pot. But what's even more shocking is where Lily got the weed: out of Sean's closet. Dan O'Keefe moves his Super Bowl party to the Finnerty home, where they listen to a play-by-play given by Jimmy from his 5-inch TV.
Lily's compulsive credit-card usage sinks Sean's plans to take Henry and his friends to a pricey water park; Eddie refuses to open up to his family about the contents of his mysterious locked box.
Sean accepts Dan O'Keefe's challenge for a boxing match and then discovers Eddie has tried to fix the fight. At the match, Claudia is enraged to learn of a rumor that she has had breast-enhancement surgery.
Sean and Claudia chaperone Lily's school dance, but it is Sister Helen who catches Lily and Dean making out--with a bottle of liquor nearby. Lily insists that it is not hers, but everyone is surprised at whose it is. Meanwhile, Eddie takes to using Walt as his goon to shake down shady business associates.
When Sean and Claudia win a free weekend in Atlantic City, they reluctantly leave the kids in Eddie's care. They return to find Jimmy and Henry locked in the basement and apparent remains of a party. But Eddie may not be the perpetrator...
Sean winds up in jail for buying shady diamond earrings for Claudia from Eddie's so-called "connection"; Lily protests the nuns' donkey-basketball game.
35
20
"I Fought the In-Laws"
John Blanchard
Story by : Brad Copeland Teleplay by : Tyrone Finch & Tom Purcell
Claudia's visiting parents' minor insults get too far under an insecure Sean's skin. Meanwhile, karaoke leads to an unlikely liplock between Brad and Lily.
Sean and Eddie plan to honor their late cousin's wishes by scattering his Tupperware-borne ashes over the old water tower; Lily meets a cute guy at the funeral. Guest appearance: Ashton Kutcher as Cousin Scott.
Sean finds a home-pregnancy test in the trash and immediately suspects Lily, but... Meanwhile, Lily learns more about her birth circumstances, and Jimmy sings the blues over an aggressive zit on his face. Guest appearance: Joseph Simmons credited as Joseph "Rev.Run" Simmons as RUN.
Claudia learns the results of her pregnancy test, and Sean celebrates the news with a major purchase: a bar that Eddie plans to burn down for the insurance money. While Lily and Brad get liquored-up, Henry develops a craving for a different kind of watering-hole delicacy.
Grandpa Tony gives Lily a car, and Sean loses it in a street race, nearly blowing his shot at snagging a loan from Tony. Meanwhile, Henry and Jimmy put the squeeze on Grandpa Tony for hefty Tooth Fairy funds. Guest appearance: Wilmer Valderrama as Gang member.
When the dump closes, Walt finds himself with an abundance of free time and begins hanging around the house, much to the dismay of Lily, who finds it increasingly hard to get alone-time with Brad. So she schemes to get him a date online...which turns out to be with a drag-queen. Meanwhile, Eddie finds out that his girlfriend has another boyfriend.
Sean hires his high-school fantasy girl as the bartender, and she and Claudia clash (again). At a concert, Lily tells Dean she loves him and cannot hear his response.
Lily has failed her behind-the-wheel test for the second time, but this time it is because Sean has sabotaged her by teaching her ridiculous driving tips. Meanwhile, in her efforts to keep her sons from playing a violent video game condemned by Sister Helen, Claudia gets addicted to it herself.
The boys mock Sean when he cannot get the lug nuts off the car, and Claudia must attract a trucker's attention to change the flat tire while Sean sits in drag in the backseat. Eddie holds a garage sale at Sean's house, featuring hot merchandise and Sean's possessions, and welcomes the kids to partake. But Lily is mortified when Brad buys her bra and boasts to the school that he and Lily have slept together.
45
8
"Henry's Been Working for the Drug Squad"
John Blanchard
Ned Goldreyer
"Julie's Been Working for the Drug Squad" by the Clash
Following his school's drug-awareness day, Henry goes overboard with thinking his family is on drugs. When he finds a suspicious plant growing in the yard, he stages an intervention for his dad.
Sean has a hard time fighting off an amorous Claudia after lying to her that he is undergone a vasectomy; Brad pays Lily to tutor him in a subject at which he already excels, just to spend time with her.
Shocked to learn that Jimmy has been shoplifting, Sean and Claudia try to figure out his motivations for stealing. Lily agonizes over what to wear to dinner with Dean's parents. Henry brings home his class's pet lizard.
Lily goes on a shopping spree with her "emergency credit card," then has to pay the bill by getting a job--at the bar. Meanwhile, Eddie fumes over a scathing review of the bar; Henry takes energy conservation to the extreme.
Claudia wreaks havoc at a wedding reception after losing her glasses; Lily convinces Eddie to persuade Dean to get her the perfect birthday gift; Brad begins spending way too much time with Jimmy.
It is Lily's 16th birthday, and she's ready to have sex with Dean. During the party held at the bar, Claudia, Sean, Henry, and Jimmy have to leave. When they return home, Claudia catches Lily outside her room after losing her virginity to an unexpected partner.
Brad's father is boasting that Lily and Brad slept together; after confronting him about it, Sean confronts Claudia--and learns that she already knew, too. So when Brad gets injured by an airborne Christmas decoration, everyone thinks Sean lost his temper. Disgusted that the boys have spent his and Sean's Liberty-quarter collection, Eddie takes them out to teach them a lesson about stealing--by stealing a toy machine that Henry had loaded with quarters. Claudia feels it's time to smooth relations between the two families by having the O'Keefes over for dinner. Still, the evening falls apart when Brad's mother blames Lily for taking Brad's innocence. Eddie teaches Jimmy and Henry a lesson in respecting other people's property when he finds out they deposited his coin collection in arcade games.
Sean and Eddie hire strippers for the bar to help make ends meet--then wind up being protested by the PTA. But what's most shocking is who set the PTA on their tails. Meanwhile, Brad asks Lily to break up with Dean. She reluctantly agrees--then he takes it far easier than she expected.
Brad is bothered that Lily is embarrassed to be seen with him, so Sean tries to make over his geeky image. Sean succeeds only in getting another student suspended from school, which leads to an in-bar confrontation with Sister Helen. Jimmy's "trademark" hair-length has become an issue at school. Claudia helps Eddie deal with an unwise purchase he made for the bar--by getting drunk with the customers, and Lily confesses her relationship with Brad in front of the entire school.
Brad plans a romantic date with Lily in New York City, but because one incident throws them off schedule, the rest of the evening becomes a disaster. Eddie breaks a window in the sewing room, leaving it wide open for an animal to wander in...which Henry wants to keep as a pet.
Lily and Brad stress over their upcoming SATS, and Claudia turns the SATs into a competition. Sean teaches Henry a lesson in compassion by taking in a homeless guy.
After Eddie buys an electric car to impress a girl, Sean unwisely gives Eddie a loan without telling Claudia, which results in her college enrollment check bouncing. Brad discovers Lily has a tattoo with Dean's name, but Lily's plea for her parents to pay for her tattoo removal goes ignored.
After a night of partying, Lily wakes up with a nasty hangover, her car parked on the porch, and no memory of how she got home. Sean and Claudia decide to sell her car and sign a contract that she will call them when she is too drunk to drive. Angry at losing her car, Lily pretends to be drunk night after night so her parents will keep picking her up. Eddie makes a huge profit when he sells Lily's car for Sean.
Sean becomes jealous when Claudia is asked to do some modeling for a fashion photographer, so she storms out, leaving him to continue hosting her bath-products party. Meanwhile, Lily hates her yearbook photos.
Sean and Eddie arrive at the bar to discover they've been robbed. Instead of calling the police, Walt insists on cleaning up. Lily and Brad wind up in a fight during a day at the mall, so Lily decides to go out with another guy.
Sean wants to go to a Sex Pistols concert, but Claudia has to study for a college test, and Lily has a science project due, which leaves no one to watch the boys. Lily leaves Brad holding the bag by skipping off to a frat party--where she runs into Claudia. Eddie hires a bodyguard.
Lily resents her ex-boyfriend's ability to move on so quickly after she dumped him; Eddie's stand-up routine flops until he incorporates material from Claudia and Sean's personal life.
Sean forgets to give Claudia an important message from her professor; Jimmy hides the telephone bill to conceal his calls to a 976 number; Lily freaks out when Brad does not call her for three hours.
During a romantic getaway at a hotel, Claudia and Sean watch an adult film and realize it was shot in their home; a girl bullying Jimmy might like him.
Sean and Claudia try to take advantage of an empty house to get in some alone-time; Lily realizes that Brad is not a good dancer; Jimmy and Henry vent their frustrations on each other by playing paintball.
Lily, Brad, and Jimmy sign abstinence pledges at school; Brad asks Lily to marry him; Jimmy throws out everything that reminds him of sex; Walt reveals that Eddie was born left-handed.
Brad's dad claims to have been taking tennis lessons for years. After Sean beats him at tennis, it turns out that "tennis lessons" was the cover he gave while having an affair.
When the Finnertys throw Brad a birthday party to take his mind off his parents' recent breakup, Sean invites Dan to the party as part of his "plan" to reunite him with Connie. But Connie has taken Claudia's advice to "get some," which prompts her to pursue Eddie.
Claudia tries to set up a perfect family photo, but everything goes wrong. During a trip to the cemetery, Sean discovers that Walt buried his wife's cat in the grave plot reserved for Claudia. Lily wants Brad to be in the family photo, but Claudia says no. Eddie is trying to get a girl pregnant.
Eddie runs into Crazy Amy while on a date with Hope. He is afraid that Amy is going to ruin his relationship. So Sean helps Eddie steal a safe that contains nude photos of him. Jimmy gets a date with a deaf girl.
Sean is having trouble keeping the bar alive, and Claudia asks him to reconsider running it. With St. Patrick's Day around the corner, Eddie tries to lure customers over from rival pubs. Brad and Lily prepare for the parade, and Jimmy is having trouble understanding the meaning of St. Patrick's Day.
Claudia copies Lily's school paper, only to find out Lily plagiarized the essay. Sean hints to Sister Helen that Lily may have cheated, but he learns too late that the school's "zero-tolerance" policy on cheating could result in Lily being expelled.
Claudia's father Tony has returned to the Finnertys' for an operation; the family is very sympathetic, except for Sean, who knows what Tony's having done.
Claudia tries to alleviate Sean's hypertension and high blood pressure by running the household all by herself, but everything goes awry. Jimmy gets suspended from school, and Lily and Brad break her bed, so they steal the family car and get it impounded.
Lily is less than thrilled about Brad's new job, which is taking up all of his time. Meanwhile, Walt's having problems finding work, so Sean and Eddie offer him a job at the bar. Jimmy's at the age where he finds his mother to be an embarrassment, so Claudia sets out to bond with him.
Brad tells Lily about his space-camp girlfriend Lana; Lily thinks he is just making her up until she sees him board the bus to space camp with the very real, very cute Lana.
Season 5 (2004–05)
"The Policy of Truth" redirects here. For the Depeche Mode song, see Policy of Truth.
Sean intercepts a phone call from Claudia's doctor and discovers she is pregnant. He does not want to tell Claudia yet since it's his fault she is pregnant. After admitting he hooked up with his space-campmate Lana, Brad begs Lily's forgiveness until he learns of her infidelity. Guest appearance: Mila Kunis as Lana.
Sean's feeling sick, and Eddie convinces him that he has sympathetic pregnancy syndrome. Brad and Lily decide to be friends, but their hormones get the best of them. Jimmy tries to impress the new neighbor girl by pretending to be a sports fanatic. Eddie resumes his relationship with his ex, Faye, who's become angrier and more bitter than ever.
Now that Eddie is spending all of his free time with Faye, lonely Sean finds every possible thing wrong with her, including the way she parks her car, which he "accidentally" smashes into. Lily's attempt to make Brad jealous by dating Mocha Joey backfires when Brad points out that Lily and Mocha Joey have nothing in common, and Claudia gets upset when she finds out that Sean has told everyone that she is pregnant.
Eddie moves into the Finnerty basement after being evicted from his apartment. Claudia is not happy and tells him if he screws up, he is out. Lily is jealous of Brad's new girlfriend, Taya, when she becomes the school football team's first girl. Claudia's pregnancy interferes with her motherly duties.
Claudia is upset with Sean when she finds out he gambled the money for the baby's crib and used the winnings to buy a new TV. When Claudia accidentally breaks the TV, she convinces Eddie to take her to the track to win money to repair the set. Meanwhile, Jimmy must endure a painfully long day of father-son bonding to keep Sean from finding out about the broken TV, and Lily enrolls in a Big/Little Sister program but is dumped by her Little Sister. Guest appearance: Miranda Cosgrove as Jessica.
Brad and Lily fight it out in a race for student body president, but the sniping and mudslinging is a mask to hide the former lovers' true feelings about each other. Meanwhile, Eddie is depressed and seeks the help of a quack psychiatrist. Claudia tries not to learn the baby's sex, wanting to be surprised.
Sean's old friend Dave is in town, a children's performer who goes under the name "J.J. Bodybuddy." Sean invites Dave to stay out of the house and promises the school a J.J. Bodybuddy show, but Dave--a decade-sober recovered alcoholic--gets too drunk to do the gig, so Sean must don the Bodybuddy leotard himself. Lily expresses her jealousy of the new baby.
With the bar in financial trouble, Sean and Claudia must get extra jobs to pay the bills: Sean applies for a manager position at T.J. Shenanigans while Claudia works from home collecting unpaid medical bills. When Sean and Eddie find themselves competing for the same job, they consider selling the bar. Meanwhile, Brad and Lily get back together, and broken-hearted Taya rebounds with Jimmy.
Feeling unsexy and depressed, pregnant Claudia gets a boost when her cute study buddy, Steve, flirts with her -- then she finds out that Sean paid him to do so. Lily helps Eddie write stand-up routine material, but another comic steals their jokes. Brad gets Jimmy into Science-Nauts, but Jimmy is less than enthusiastic about it until he finds out that every meeting's "secret" involves porn.
Lily becomes insecure when she learns that she is "not school smart." When Brad snags an interview at Yale, she becomes jealous and connives to land her interview. Sean takes a second job as a limo driver to avoid doing work at home. Claudia tries to convince her neighbor, Arianna, that the Finnerty clan is not trash. Jimmy seeks advice from Eddie for his debut in the school production of Tom Sawyer.
Sean becomes infuriated after receiving letters from the Home Owner's Association telling him to clean up his house, while Claudia is happy about the neighborhood's positive changes. Lily insists that Brad buys her an anniversary gift from a list that she is made. Still, he defies her wishes and gets her a sexy nightie that he cannot enjoy because he is busy picturing Sister Helen, who he ran into at the lingerie store. Jimmy announces that he has become a vegetarian.
Eddie's ex, Amy, displays naked photos of him in an art gallery, but he is too afraid to ask her to remove them; Sean is having problems trying to sell the Red Boot; Claudia has a baby shower, and Jimmy fills in on the cheerleading squad to get close to the girls.
Claudia and Sean miss Lily's graduation (and spoil her senior-prank plan) when Claudia goes into labor. The Finnerty boys learn that Walt has a girlfriend: his cleaning lady. In the end, the Finnertys have a little girl, who they name Rose, and later rename Gracie after many believe she was named after a certain movie character. But wait--Grandpa is engaged, and his cleaning lady is expecting a little girl, who they plan to name Rose.
