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Don't Go Near the Water
Don't Go Near the Water
	Theatrical release poster
Directed by	Charles Walters
Screenplay by	Dorothy Kingsley; George Wells
Based on	Don't Go Near the Water; 1956 novel; by William Brinkley
Produced by	Lawrence Weingarten
Starring	Glenn Ford; Gia Scala; Earl Holliman; Anne Francis; Keenan Wynn; Fred Clark
Cinematography	Robert J. Bronner
Edited by	Adrienne Fazan
Music by	Bronislau Kaper
Production; company	Avon Productions
Distributed by	Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
Release date	November 14, 1957;
Running time	107 minutes
Country	United States
Language	English
Budget	$2,495,000
Box office	$6,140,000

Don't Go Near the Water is a 1957 American comedy film about a U.S. Navy public relations unit stationed on an island in the Pacific Ocean during World War II. It is an adaptation of the 1956 novel of the same name by William Brinkley. Glenn Ford and Gia Scala star. This is the first of several service comedies that Ford appeared in after the huge success of The Teahouse of the August Moon. The movie was very successful and further solidified Ford's reputation as an adept comedic actor.

Plot

Holliman and Francis in a publicity still

Lieutenant (j.g.) Max Siegel and other US Navy personnel are stuck in a public relations unit far from the fighting. Lieutenant Commander Clinton T. Nash, their commanding officer and a stockbroker in civilian life, refuses to allow anyone to transfer out. Much of Siegel's time is spent showing war correspondents (like obnoxious Gordon Ripwell) and visiting Congressmen around the island.

One day, Siegel spots beautiful local schoolteacher Melora Alba. Despite some formidable obstacles, he eventually wins her love. However, they break up when he wants to live in New York City to further his career, while she feels she is needed on the island.

Meanwhile, Siegel's yeoman, Adam Garrett, falls in love with Navy nurse Alice Tomlen, which constitutes a serious breach of Navy regulations, as Tomlen is an officer while Garrett is only an enlisted man. However, Siegel pretends to be dating her himself in order to give Garrett the opportunity to spend time with her. This couple also fall in love. When Nash finds out, Siegel suggests a fitting punishment would be a transfer to a fighting unit (something Garrett very much wants).

With the Army hogging the news headlines, Nash comes up with the idea to take an ordinary sailor and send him on a morale-boosting tour, all highly publicized. He chooses Farragut Jones. Unfortunately, Jones turns out to be foul-mouthed and heavily tattooed, not exactly what Nash had hoped for. He assigns Siegel to smooth out Jones's rough edges, with limited success.

Later, Siegel has to escort another war correspondent, the shapely and blonde Deborah Aldrich, when she finagles her way aboard a heavy cruiser on its way to a combat operation, much to Admiral Junius Boatwright's disapproval.

With the end of the war, Siegel realizes that he cannot live without Melora, and decides to remain on the island.

Cast

Glenn Ford as Lieutenant (j.g.) Max Siegel
Gia Scala as Melora Alba
Earl Holliman as Adam Garrett
Anne Francis as Lieutenant (j.g.) Alice Tomlen
Keenan Wynn as Gordon Ripwell
Fred Clark as Lieutenant Commander Clinton T. Nash
Eva Gabor as Deborah Aldrich
Russ Tamblyn as Ensign Tyson
Jeff Richards as Lieutenant Ross Pendleton
Mickey Shaughnessy as Farragut Jones
Howard Smith as Admiral Junius Boatwright
Romney Brent as Mr. Alba, Melora's father
Mary Wickes as Janie, a nurse who enjoys the attention resulting from being one of the few American women on the island
Jack Straw as Lieutenant Commander Gladstone
Robert Nichols as Lieutenant Commander Hereford
John Alderson as Lieutenant Commander Diplock
Jack Albertson as Rep. George Jansen
Charles Watts as Rep. Arthur Smithfield